Right Now.

Right now I am....

~ Loving Christmas Memories.

~ Wondering how long I will be called "Mama" and hoping it's a long time.

~ Exercising every day but not enough of it is outside.

~ Loving the possibilities and opportunities that are presenting themselves.

~ Looking forward to saying "goodbye" to 2011 and "Hello!" 2012.

~ Savoring quiet morning coffees.

~ Hearing "Mama that was the best Christmas ever".....

~ Feeling oh so grateful.

Things I am Loving (Take two!)....

• Reading books by the fire with little ones snuggled on my lap. When we finish one, a pile is brought out. They could just keep reading and reading and reading!

• Ben's favorite part of school yesterday. "You know Mom.... when you were there for math boxes this morning". Melt. my. heart.

• My new job.

• Second date in a week with my honey. That sounds a little decadent doesn't it!

• Christmas lights.

• Anticipation of Christmas present making and family date night.
  

Things I am Loving...

Story: We hadn't seen the kids in a few minutes so wandered to our front yard only to capture this image. The kids had gone over to our dear friend/neighbor Ms. Elaine's house and proceeded to pick up the job she had left. Her backyard was pretty much done when she returned!


These days I am so grateful for....
-helpful hands
-days off from school and PJ's until lunch
-new opportunities
-running through the woods
-dates with my love
-silliness
-fantastic parent teacher conferences!
-kids that love to go to school
-quiet mornings when the rest of the house is still sleeping

Possibilities.

We have been rolling. Both kids are thriving and loving school. Ben was awarded Star Student of the Week for "always trying his best" and none of us could be prouder (most importantly Ben!). We have finished the soccer season and as a result are enjoying a few more evenings at home each week. Swimming lessons started for both kids last weekend and the smiles that reached ear to ear were priceless. I have accepted a job at the college as Coordinator of College and University Relations. I will be working Tues. and Thurs. and will follow the academic calendar so will have the same time off as the kids. I'm very excited about the new challenges and opportunities it will bring. I will continue to teach my few classes each week. Last week we visited Houston where I was given a clear report. It's so nice that cancer has taken a back seat in life. I've celebrated a birthday and we had a fabulous Halloween! We are gearing up for the Holidays. Looking forward to celebrating with friends and family.

I'm celebrating.

Today I am celebrating, or in actuality, I've been celebrating for several days.

On Friday I had a pesky lump under my arm ultra-sounded and it was just a pocket of fluid!!! I must admit, I think I started breathing for the first time in weeks after the tech assured me it was nothing. I am so grateful.

Last night the kids spent the night at my parents and had a ball while I got to go out for dinner with the love of my life and a few of my dearest friends to celebrate my birthday. It had been way to long since we had been out socializing like that and it felt really good!

The rest of the weekend was spent outside. Lots of time in the woods, soaking up Vitamin D before our long, cold winter. We even cleaned out the garage so I could park my little bug convertible (do I have the best husband or what?!) for the winter.

David and I chatted a lot about possibilities, plans, goals.... very excited to see where we end up heading in the next few months.

Tonight was a birthday celebration at Mom and Dad's complete with a chocolate angel food cake! Yum...

Kids got their snow skis ordered for the season.

Ben finds out tomorrow that he was selected by his teacher to be the student of the week for being an outstanding student! We are SO, SO proud of him! He LOVES school and is thriving in 1st grade.

Tomorrow I am celebrating my 36th birthday. WOW. I am so thankful to be getting older and being able to experience where life takes me. My little girl was so excited today to be celebrating my birthday. She waffled between wanting everything to be a surprise and wanting to be right with me the whole day (I preferred the later) and my little guy whispered "Happy Birthday Mama" and gave me a huge kiss. I could melt. And.... I must admit I often am overcome with emotion these days. Something I will attribute to being so thankful for having a long life ahead of me! Life is grand, we should never forget it.

Here's to celebrations of milestones, life, family, possibilities and potential for tomorrow.

Labor Day Weekending.

The air was cool and crisp, the water shimmering, passing showers made us thankful and ready to play when the sun shone through the brilliant white clouds, fall was in the air.... it was perfect!

We spent the weekend up at the cabin! The place is brilliant and we had a ball. The kids fished with David, I helped mom and dad clean out the smaller cabins and put away things for the season, we spent lots of time strolling the docks of Hessel in the sunshine, cooked, ate out one night, read books, took the last swim of the season (or at least some of us.... this mom is a wimp when it comes to cold water!), knitted, had time for long runs and came home to celebrate mom's 60th birthday at our house.

I didn't take many pictures, just enjoyed the moments.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Now I am working to get my head around the fact that my baby boy will be in school all day, everyday. I'm not the biggest fan... We have a plan, we're going to stick with it... at least for the immediate future. My little one starts pre-school on Thursday, she is SO excited! New back packs have been toted around for weeks and special outfits have been chosen. Mom just needs to get with the program. I have been so happy with them around all the time, it's been a great summer!

Gut Check.

6 months ago today I was told I had cancer. Today is a weird day, I don't feel the way I would have expected to feel even two weeks ago. I feel elated, grateful, emotional, healthy, and alive. I've come along way baby!

I certainly have near panic attacks when I recall the cancer-events of the past six months; needles, information overload, traveling back and forth and back and forth to Texas, tears upon tears, helplessness, anger, peace, painful surgeries and frustrating recoveries, elation over the no-chemo news and love.

I must admit that I am very angry that as I read about cancer, what causes it, and what can prevent it that no one told me more before! Why have we become a society that is so caught up in making money and racing here and there that we have turned our lifestyle into a killing machine?! and why do we have a health care industry that for the most part pretends that they don't know what causes all of these awful debilitating diseases?! We should all be smacked. It seems so, so sad to me that with all of the knowledge that exists on how to prevent cancer that more and more women are diagnosed all of the time.

Okay, enough of my tirade.

David is amazing. Simply amazing. It is very hard to express how grateful I am for his support, love, constantness (I know that's not a word but it works). I could not have done this without him.

So, what have I done the past six months while I was LIVING?

Explored Beautiful Beaches.

Sat on above beaches and worked on a sweater for David for Christmas!

Watched my babies balance on and jump off rocks.

Skipped stones.

Hit the wooden boat show with the fam.

Flew kites.

Built sand castles with the kids.

Watched the experts catch frogs!

Kayaked with my family.


Visited Mackinac Island.

Picked tons of blackberries. Deep, deep in the woods!


Took one last picture of my boy with both of those little front teeth. The tooth fairy has been busy!

Watched as my love rocked out with his baby girl.

It's been a busy, awesome 6 months!

Taking back the reigns.

Enough said. Planning session underway this evening. Good conversations had regarding goals and directions. Steps beginning to form on how to execute. I'm ready.

Cancer Sucks.

I read a shirt when we were in Houston that said CANCER SUCKS. It was right. I have found that any given moment on any given day, it can take me down to my core and rock my world. Today was one of those days. I don't know why. I try to figure it out, analyze every situation/conversation/interaction that I have experienced in the past 24 hours/week to determine if it was that event or the layering of the events that has caused me to lose it... as soon as I can figure that out, you can be sure I won't be doing it again.

But there is a bit of me that softly whispers "it takes time, this has happened before, it may happen again, let it come, heal." I just wish it were a bit louder because most of the day I hear "you are going crazy, when will I stop falling apart, why me, how did this happen?"

On my run this morning I saw a sign that said;
Take long walks,
indulge in hot baths,
question your assumptions,
Just Be.

I need to work on that. I need to work on allowing myself the space to heal. I guess that's it....

Rejuvinated.

This weekend was exactly what I needed. Lots of time with my family, just the basics... it was perfect.

After all.... how can things not be grand when hanging out with these two?!

I cannot even remember what we did on Friday night but I know that we were all together. Saturday brought a day of playing at home, doing a bit of catch-up and the fabulously special wedding of our dear friend Elaine's daughter, Laura. The wedding was at the waterfront with a pig roast afterwards. The kids made lots of friends and danced the night away. I so enjoyed sitting and watching them have such fun!

Today was full of simple perfectness. Church, a walk down at the river where we found black raspberries by the fist-full,
waded in the river,
played a bit of Frisbee golf
and picked flowers.
David and I did a bit more catch-up, we'd fallen behind these past few crazy months but we're feeling more on top of things now. We had a delightful dinner of local veggies and wild rice and then headed out for a family bike ride. The boys did a bit of trail riding along the river and Amelia rode behind me and kept giving me hugs - still makes me smile! I got to read everyone stories tonight and as I sit here typing I'm remembering a conversation I had at the Grain Train today with another survivor about the blessing that this journey brings with it.... the realization the every moment is a gift, really every breath should take your breath away. Life is so precious and amazing. I'm so lucky and blessed.