One Year.

It has been a year.  What a year.  So many emotions swirl with that.  I feel stronger than I have in 365 days, weaker and more vulnerable than I felt in the previous 35 years, and healthier than I have ever been.  I am truly grateful for every moment of this precious life.  I believe I am more patient, let things slide more readily, have a better perspective and am a better, happier person.  At the same time I am very quick to cry and sometimes feel like curling up into a ball because the implication of cancer means that you know to your core that it could all come crumbling down around you at any moment - scary stuff.  I am thankful to have that awareness and yet at times, I am so angry - parts of ignorance really is bliss.  Awareness though provides benefits of it's own.... I rarely take anything for granted.

My core is David and the kids.  I am most comfortable when I am surrounded by them.  I guess my personal core was rocked so hard that I need others to fill it right now.  Or, maybe it's perspective.  Whatever it is, it's where I'm at.

My brain is finally clearing.  I function at a relatively high level these days - thank goodness.  The first 8 months was really a blur for me.  Often times I had trouble putting one foot in front of the other.  I can now think about Houston without breaking out into a sweat. 

I still have a little trouble figuring out where I want to head.  Who do I want to be, what do I want to accomplish?  There is always a little nagging voice that questions, what if you don't have much time?  Although, I know at my core that I have beat this and it's not coming back.  It's just the realization that life is so fragile, so many, many components and unknowns. 

Trying to Connect.

G. Margie, I have tried to send emails and cards - everything is bouncing back!  Can you send me your updated contact information again?  sarah.shuman@hotmail.com.  Love, (the obviously disorganized) Sarah

Right Now.

Right now I am....

~ Loving Christmas Memories.

~ Wondering how long I will be called "Mama" and hoping it's a long time.

~ Exercising every day but not enough of it is outside.

~ Loving the possibilities and opportunities that are presenting themselves.

~ Looking forward to saying "goodbye" to 2011 and "Hello!" 2012.

~ Savoring quiet morning coffees.

~ Hearing "Mama that was the best Christmas ever".....

~ Feeling oh so grateful.

Things I am Loving (Take two!)....

• Reading books by the fire with little ones snuggled on my lap. When we finish one, a pile is brought out. They could just keep reading and reading and reading!

• Ben's favorite part of school yesterday. "You know Mom.... when you were there for math boxes this morning". Melt. my. heart.

• My new job.

• Second date in a week with my honey. That sounds a little decadent doesn't it!

• Christmas lights.

• Anticipation of Christmas present making and family date night.
  

Things I am Loving...

Story: We hadn't seen the kids in a few minutes so wandered to our front yard only to capture this image. The kids had gone over to our dear friend/neighbor Ms. Elaine's house and proceeded to pick up the job she had left. Her backyard was pretty much done when she returned!


These days I am so grateful for....
-helpful hands
-days off from school and PJ's until lunch
-new opportunities
-running through the woods
-dates with my love
-silliness
-fantastic parent teacher conferences!
-kids that love to go to school
-quiet mornings when the rest of the house is still sleeping

Possibilities.

We have been rolling. Both kids are thriving and loving school. Ben was awarded Star Student of the Week for "always trying his best" and none of us could be prouder (most importantly Ben!). We have finished the soccer season and as a result are enjoying a few more evenings at home each week. Swimming lessons started for both kids last weekend and the smiles that reached ear to ear were priceless. I have accepted a job at the college as Coordinator of College and University Relations. I will be working Tues. and Thurs. and will follow the academic calendar so will have the same time off as the kids. I'm very excited about the new challenges and opportunities it will bring. I will continue to teach my few classes each week. Last week we visited Houston where I was given a clear report. It's so nice that cancer has taken a back seat in life. I've celebrated a birthday and we had a fabulous Halloween! We are gearing up for the Holidays. Looking forward to celebrating with friends and family.

I'm celebrating.

Today I am celebrating, or in actuality, I've been celebrating for several days.

On Friday I had a pesky lump under my arm ultra-sounded and it was just a pocket of fluid!!! I must admit, I think I started breathing for the first time in weeks after the tech assured me it was nothing. I am so grateful.

Last night the kids spent the night at my parents and had a ball while I got to go out for dinner with the love of my life and a few of my dearest friends to celebrate my birthday. It had been way to long since we had been out socializing like that and it felt really good!

The rest of the weekend was spent outside. Lots of time in the woods, soaking up Vitamin D before our long, cold winter. We even cleaned out the garage so I could park my little bug convertible (do I have the best husband or what?!) for the winter.

David and I chatted a lot about possibilities, plans, goals.... very excited to see where we end up heading in the next few months.

Tonight was a birthday celebration at Mom and Dad's complete with a chocolate angel food cake! Yum...

Kids got their snow skis ordered for the season.

Ben finds out tomorrow that he was selected by his teacher to be the student of the week for being an outstanding student! We are SO, SO proud of him! He LOVES school and is thriving in 1st grade.

Tomorrow I am celebrating my 36th birthday. WOW. I am so thankful to be getting older and being able to experience where life takes me. My little girl was so excited today to be celebrating my birthday. She waffled between wanting everything to be a surprise and wanting to be right with me the whole day (I preferred the later) and my little guy whispered "Happy Birthday Mama" and gave me a huge kiss. I could melt. And.... I must admit I often am overcome with emotion these days. Something I will attribute to being so thankful for having a long life ahead of me! Life is grand, we should never forget it.

Here's to celebrations of milestones, life, family, possibilities and potential for tomorrow.