It has been a year. What a year. So many emotions swirl with that. I feel stronger than I have in 365 days, weaker and more vulnerable than I felt in the previous 35 years, and healthier than I have ever been. I am truly grateful for every moment of this precious life. I believe I am more patient, let things slide more readily, have a better perspective and am a better, happier person. At the same time I am very quick to cry and sometimes feel like curling up into a ball because the implication of cancer means that you know to your core that it could all come crumbling down around you at any moment - scary stuff. I am thankful to have that awareness and yet at times, I am so angry - parts of ignorance really is bliss. Awareness though provides benefits of it's own.... I rarely take anything for granted.
My core is David and the kids. I am most comfortable when I am surrounded by them. I guess my personal core was rocked so hard that I need others to fill it right now. Or, maybe it's perspective. Whatever it is, it's where I'm at.
My brain is finally clearing. I function at a relatively high level these days - thank goodness. The first 8 months was really a blur for me. Often times I had trouble putting one foot in front of the other. I can now think about Houston without breaking out into a sweat.
I still have a little trouble figuring out where I want to head. Who do I want to be, what do I want to accomplish? There is always a little nagging voice that questions, what if you don't have much time? Although, I know at my core that I have beat this and it's not coming back. It's just the realization that life is so fragile, so many, many components and unknowns.
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