One Year.

It has been a year.  What a year.  So many emotions swirl with that.  I feel stronger than I have in 365 days, weaker and more vulnerable than I felt in the previous 35 years, and healthier than I have ever been.  I am truly grateful for every moment of this precious life.  I believe I am more patient, let things slide more readily, have a better perspective and am a better, happier person.  At the same time I am very quick to cry and sometimes feel like curling up into a ball because the implication of cancer means that you know to your core that it could all come crumbling down around you at any moment - scary stuff.  I am thankful to have that awareness and yet at times, I am so angry - parts of ignorance really is bliss.  Awareness though provides benefits of it's own.... I rarely take anything for granted.

My core is David and the kids.  I am most comfortable when I am surrounded by them.  I guess my personal core was rocked so hard that I need others to fill it right now.  Or, maybe it's perspective.  Whatever it is, it's where I'm at.

My brain is finally clearing.  I function at a relatively high level these days - thank goodness.  The first 8 months was really a blur for me.  Often times I had trouble putting one foot in front of the other.  I can now think about Houston without breaking out into a sweat. 

I still have a little trouble figuring out where I want to head.  Who do I want to be, what do I want to accomplish?  There is always a little nagging voice that questions, what if you don't have much time?  Although, I know at my core that I have beat this and it's not coming back.  It's just the realization that life is so fragile, so many, many components and unknowns. 

Trying to Connect.

G. Margie, I have tried to send emails and cards - everything is bouncing back!  Can you send me your updated contact information again?  sarah.shuman@hotmail.com.  Love, (the obviously disorganized) Sarah